#43 Better to be surprised than be disappointed
"To be ready for fullness, first be empty." — Lao Tzu
Welcome back to #SalMonday edition when we make a writing from a theme given by the guests! The guests are invited to write according to the theme as well. Nothing could’ve been better than this, right?
The SalMonday edition today is coming from Gautam Kohli. He is a hype Youtuber with two channels: The guy without a plan and Let’s rig food!
A topic from him is:
“How to handle unfulfilled expectations?”
We really encourage you to join the QnA session for our #50 Salmon Mentai edition (it will come pretty soon)!
You can ask question on our Instagram, or simply by writing comments in this post until the submission is closed at November 1st. Two lucky questioners will get very personal gift from us and will be announced on our podcast!
Meiska
When it comes to expectations, I’m pretty trained to set them. Maybe because I’ve experienced a lot of failures before haha, such as exchange programme, scholarship, and conference selection process. Same things happened when I applied to undergraduate school, I was expecting to be accepted in Bandung Institute of Technology before IPB University. So it’s not that I don’t hope too much, but I finally found a point which determines how far I could expect those things.
There is no way human can stop expecting. But we always have enough time to confirm how big our chance to get them, and do a lot of research before. Even in the simplest thing for example; I will get extra allowance while organizing tournaments, and normally I know what I’m going to spend it on, like buying new bag, jacket or shoes, etc. So, the first thing is to find out is how much I will get, and the price of the goods I’m going to buy. Even when I will not spend anything from that, most likely I’m gonna find out how much I will get. Because the amount of the allowance might apply differently.
My reaction over unfulfilled expectation is mostly all those disappointment feelings; sad, unworthy, and discouraged. But the more I experience those unfulfilled expectations, the more I get used to it, or you can say immune haha. It just becomes bearable along the way, and does not take too long for me to rise again. But unfortunately, all things I mention above can never determine our fate, no? Don’t forget to spare some space for “worst case” in all your scenarios or plans, and be prepared for it. It’s completely normal to feel let down and all, but life does not wait for that so that’s why we will always have the most ultimate weapons, Plan B to Z.
Elsa
Gautam is my best friend in Master’s life, he is a king of food engineering and extrusion. He got a perfect score in Food Process Engineering exam in Paris, while my score resembled the fluid flow behavior with high Reynolds numbers.
I suppose he could answer the SalMonday topic better than me. This guy without a plan (that is how he brands himself, don’t ask me why) always reminds me to chill in life when I put too much expectation on myself.
Another unfulfilled expectation just happened recently in my life. I expect to have a utopian figure of a partner, the one I want to spend my time forever with. But here comes the paradox. I fear of disappointment, whether I disappoint someone or the other way around.
The utopian figure of a partner never come to real, of course. Even the ‘most perfect’ guy that came to my life in Lund has not fit to myself. My mind has been unconsciously rejected him to be the part of my life. I’m afraid to attach to someone. I refrain before it’s too late.
It is connected with my writing in Salmon Mentai #15 about Lao Tzu’s five different types of love. It’s not difficult to judge that I am still on the stage of romantic love.
In the end, the art to handle unfulfilled expectation is to have a self-appreciation. I feel you, Purple Dino.
Gautam
This is weird, and these Salmon Mentai gals are crazy. If I am the one putting a question, generally speaking, it only happens when I do not know about that; otherwise, why shall I ask. However, now I also need to answer it, which is beyond my understanding.
So, the thing is I am straight forward, but an emotional person and everything I do has that emotional input as well, which leads to me expecting something in return. This behavior is not new but kind of part of me, but over time it has troubled my mental ability to act, and so I have always wondered how to deal with expectation, especially the ones that are unfulfilled.
Several readings that I have made on this topic have told me not to have any expectations, which I know I really try doing but then if I do not have any expectation I do not feel like taking any action to perform. Maybe I am too self-obsessed that everything I do, I expect something in return, but then why should I judge myself the world is out there waiting to do that, and this leads to the solution I apply when unfulfilled expectations get me and malfunction my daily operations. Remember, it is a secret, so keep it to yourself.
“Here it goes, so when the sorrow of unfulfilled expectation sets in I call upon the logical part of my brain and ask him what Newton’s third law is and it replies every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which makes me wonder where is the expectation in this relation.”
Further, as everything in nature obeys these laws, then who am I to oppose and try to add an element called expectation in it. This calling of the logical part of my brain, coupled with keeping myself busy in new and exciting projects has kept my boat sailing when bombarded with the storm of unfulfilled expectations.
Do not forget to submit your questions for us! Because we will launch our first podcast to celebrate our 50th post! You can insert your question by leaving comment and submission is closed on November 1st. Win the chance to get a personal gift from us!
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” —Bruce Lee
