#19 Most people are other people
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation - Oscar Wilde
Hi! In the last edition of Salmon Mentai, we talked about the pandemic situation— how Meiska was adapting with the new normal phase, and how Elsa was evaluating her life in these five strange months. You can read it back here in case you missed it.
#SalMonday topic for today is coming from Elsa’s friend, Budi. He is a lone wolf living in Helsinki, Finland!
He wanted to bring a ridiculous topic at first—"Who was actually defining a word ‘who’ as who,” or a yes/no question that Elsa and Meiska cannot even elaborate in a writing. Elsa punched him virtually to make him sober for a while, then coming his topic for today:
“How do you define the concept of identity and how do you guys see your own identity?”
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Meiska
Identity (for me) is values we carry and eventually people mark us with. It can be appearance, personality, trait, talent, expertise, anything people look us attached or familiar with. Identity is dynamic, progressive, keeps expanding, something not definite. Meaning, it’s always too early to mark “someone” with “something” only for once at a time.
This time, I hope I’m objective enough to write an essay of how I identify myself. To support my assessment and make it fair, I will invite my team at work (the people I work with closely) to join the bandwagon and check on those self-claimed identities:
Introverted
Truthfully, I am so sick of this word. As lots, lots of people misunderstand what it actually means with how they comprehend it. When my colleagues and I are on business trips, once we finish our tasks and have dinner, they have known and understood me well enough the only next place I want to be is our hotel room. Because having enough rest, taking hot shower, and calling my boyfriend recharge my well being and reset my mood. It is very important for me to perform in a fit condition the next day. My colleagues usually ask me out to hang out and visit touristic place in those cities, of course sometimes I join them too when I still have some energy left.
“I couldn’t agree more! This is so Meiska! Apart from that she likes to have deep-talks with everybody and able to offer some solutions that’s not just relevant to herself.” — Rizky
Detail-oriented
This trait is actually consisted of contradictory sub-traits. It can be very useful because we’re used to focus on little things that matter, resulting satisfying finish on my job. But on the other hand it’s also making me a pain in the ass for demanding too many, that’s bothersome from the first place hahaha I hope they can bear it, though. However, it’s an important value for me, and it makes me proud and feeling useful when things are perfectly anticipated and organized, also precisely allocated.
“I agree with this. She always gets overwhelmed over the detailed things herself. I wish she wouldn’t carry them alone in the future and keep reminding everyone that little things matter. I’m rooting for her!” — Masofia
Assertive
Most of the times, my friends and I are always making jokes with each other, meaning; I can be the joker! We are always laughing over whatever silly and not, anything! But when it comes to making decision that involves my principles, I’m your firm buddy. I always want things structured and fair. Somehow it’s beneficial for me so people are like “warned” before, but I can also feel at times people treat me differently. But again, that makes me exclusive enough for some people because I look so stiff. It’s still one of traits I’m working on to improve, I should be accommodative as well with everyone. It’s an important reminder for me to stop being too hard on myself.
“It’s true she’s assertive but in a good and reasonable ways. I wish she would spare some room for flexible things coming in the future.” — Ramzy
Elsa
I met Budi when I was having an exchange in Finland 2016. He is my only Indonesian friend in a country of aurora borealis whose age is not much different than myself. We have seen eye to eye easily as diasporas who have been far from a helping hand.
What is identity?
I can tell about my whole identity when the world is ended. My identity is still changing along the time. What I can say about me right now might not be the same anymore in ten minutes. By my tomb in the future, I would engrave a sentence upon my gravestone, “Elsa was here.” That is my whole identity.
“The name that can be named is not the universal name. In the infancy of the universe, there were no names. Naming fragments the mysteries of life into ten thousand things and their manifestations.” —Lao Tzu
In a summary, what I explained here is not my identity but a manifestation of it. There are some parts of ‘Elsa’ that I do not like, the parts that I want to exclude from myself. But then I learn that I cannot live by only a part of myself and throw the rest away. Relentlessly, I try to reunite all of myself— the ‘Elsa’ who I like and the ‘Elsa’ who I do not like— to be oneself, the present ‘Elsa’.
I am trying to connect the dots of my past, present, and future, then manifest those in words. My identity has been manifested by three things:
My regrets.
Talking about past, deep down of myself there would be the past that I want to change. I grew up in a middle class family with goods and flaws. I was sexually harassed by a paedophile when I was kindergarten. I wish I could do something more meaningful when I was in high school. I wish this introvert lady could be braver to speak up.
My present self.
Articulating my present, there are things that were true about me and are still true about me today. I am manifested as a reserved persona, really stable and calm and introvert. I mostly do not do things in rush, I measure all things prior saying and doing.
There are two interesting facts about myself: First, my head is actually really crowded with screams and thoughts inwardly. Second, most of people perceive me as an expressive lady. They see me as a talented woman who is cheerful and bright like a sun. Indeed, I do really like a bright sun, maybe because I have been living in the dark for quite a long time.
My spiritual energy.
Observing about the future, I channel my spiritual energy that has made me to keep going. I feel most energized if I read books and paint. I would love to go to museum/park/café alone, by a wind whirling on my face in the late afternoon.
Because I have thoughts in turmoil, I express who I am thoroughly by writing to reorder and understand myself better. I would like to wake up every day and do things in food and art until I become an old grandma in years to come. I hope those are not taken away from me forever.
Still, all the explanations are just only the manifestations of Elsa’s identity. What is her truly identity? “Elsa was here”.
How do you see your very own identity? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below!
Memories are the architecture of our identity. Hopefully we can make a beautiful building from it, hence we will find a place to lay our head and rest.
